OFF THE WALL

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Denial

Head fights don’t just happen in climbing. In this case it’s not the ‘I can’t’ when I can, it’s ‘I can’, when I can’t. I’m an expert in the art of denial.

Aches and pains are part of an active life. Aren’t they? What’s wrong with climbing on overhanging walls until it hurts? What’s wrong with having disturbed sleep because my shoulder hurts? And isn’t it painful for every woman reaching behind her back to undo her bra?

It’s been a long time coming but, like a runaway train, it had to come to a stop at some point.

I haven’t climbed now for 2 weeks and 4 days.

After a head fight when the ‘I can’t’ won - brought on by the level of pain during a simple lead at the local climbing wall – I took myself off to the physiotherapist .

Once there I listened closely: especially to the part where she said ‘you don’t need to stop climbing’ (Reality is what one pays attention to). A Rotator cuff tendon issue (a shoulder thing). I followed Lovely Lisa’s advice: I took Ibuprofen and stuck a bag of frozen peas on it again and again. And I did the boring exercises with the Theraband and restricted gym visits to a few even more boring routines.

. ...And I carried on climbing. She did say I could do easy, gentle stuff. It’s great how words can be interpreted to mean exactly what you want- a bit like my approach to route finding.

It was a few days after the second visit to Lovely Lisa when it hit home. I’d gone to Cornwall, discovered the delights of Chair Ladder, (I won’t mention the greasy rock, bird shit and crumbly eye- filling lichen, and it was ‘easy gentle climbing’, honestly) and ended up at a less chronically tidal crag just around the corner. A few moves into a Severe lead there was a quick skirmish in my head followed quickly by a complete surrender. The ‘slight’ wrench I had given my shoulder on the climbing wall a couple of days before strangely hadn’t helped with the recovery. Hadn’t helped at all. It was very sore, worse than before- well probably not, but I panicked. Denial crumbled and acceptance poked me in the eye. I knew I shouldn’t be climbing at all. ‘What’s wrong’ asked Rob. ‘You don’t look very happy’.

Even then there was a bit of fight left in me - I could have walked away from the sea cliff, but no. I watched Dave do a VS very nicely and then went up after him, telling myself it would be last one for 2 weeks. I could only cope with the idea of 2 weeks.

So it’s now 2 weeks and 4 days and on my third visit to Lovely Lisa she tells me it’s all improving but the tendon is still inflamed, and to carry on with the tedious Theraband exercises and gym visits... No climbing until it’s settled down.

It’s a matter of ‘persistence and patience’ says Lovely Lisa. I try not to scream and I continue to make sure I ‘set ‘my shoulders correctly and I also set my mind on another 2 weeks. But it may be easier to extend that now: The real incentive is now a week’s ice climbing in January – and there’ll be no room for denial then if my shoulder gives out on 90 degrees of ice.

Posted by fishinwater